This post finds me in a really interesting situation right now in life. I am extremely stressed out, but really don't show it to anyone, or at least, try to "manage" it. Now, right off the bat, let me get this clear, I'm not sitting here posting a blog with the intention of biotching the entire time about "how much my life sucks...how awful things are..." I'm sure you've got a million other Facebook friends that you could easily check one of their depressing statuses right now. You know what, go ahead, open a new tab right now and see if one of the first five people on your feed has some extremely depressing status that you just want to comment on saying, "Really? ... people are starving in Africa, and you're upset because you didn't get what you wanted for your birthday?"
Next question, so what then ARE you planning on doing during this blog. Well here, let me lay this shizz out for you. What is it that you are doing sitting there, just reading away at the blog, and thinking...Ok, so this isn't a two way dialog, I get it, but you did stop and think for a second I'm sure of it. Things have been pretty hectic lately for me, and I can't help but feel overworked, and not even from work, but from the outside world.
"I need help with this, can't you do that, when can you get that for me..." on a daily basis I hear those phrases, or more than just those three. Now, I love people, don't get me wrong, but why is it that I wonder when I hear a text message, or hear my ringtone...what IS it that this person wants me to help them with?
Are you the kind of person that asks a lot of favors, or are you in my boat? Again, another point where you can stop and think about this, it's ok to pause and continue reading at any point you're confused. That's the crazy part about people too, they want you to be METICULOUS with what you do for them, but then half ass something they do for you, if they even do it. ("I'm too busy, I'll get to that") Once again, I'm sure you've heard it all just like I have.
Keep this in mind, everyone is out for themselves, and it's a dying breed out there of people that think about more than just number one. I'm not saying forget number one, you should always keep that first, but try expanding to being selfless to number 2 or number 3 every once in a while. This world would be a much better place if we could just do that.
This week, a guy on my floor that I used to say hi to and what not at work, in his 30's, died while putting up Christmas Lights over this past weekend. He's married with two young kids that now don't have a father for Christmas, and will probably correlate the two every year. How horrible is that, this is just an awful time of year. (Whether it was a seizure or electrocution is still under investigation) The part that really got me, is that the e-mail came out "FROM" our office lead...but was sent BY an Administrative Assistant. Now really...it's not like EVERY day or week or MONTH or even YEAR that someone dies in our building. Would it kill you to make the rest of us living think that you actually care about our well being, and for the associate that worked under you? The guy who passed, he was a really nice guy, and I saw him on Friday at the Starbucks on our first floor. The thing is, I just can't believe that, how quickly he was there in the building, and then eerily his desk was empty on Monday, kid's pictures still there, and work on his desk untouched. Life is so short, and so precious, we need to keep that in focus, and remember that it can be yanked away in a short weekend.
You have an opportunity to make a change NOW...not tomorrow, not this weekend, not next month (as you get ready to make New Year's Resolutions). It's time...right now, and you're only getting closer to your time when you pass. So grab that opportunity right now, and run with it, even if...seriously...even if, it's a small change. Cut out the sugar, stop being stubborn, say "I'm Sorry", make that move, do it NOW.
You'd think, great point to end on, right? I just scratched the surface. Now I can't stand reading long and boring blogs, so that's why I try to keep mine relatively short. I've also been asked why I don't write more. You have a life, and as I just pointed out, it's short. I respect your time, as I hope you respect yours. If I have some points, I will make sure they're monumental, so I make that promise, I won't bring you to this site, "just because".
Alright - three more short topics that I will lightning round because it's getting long already and these were just WHOA moments for me.
2 - I have taken quite a bit of flack lately for doing a deed that...isn't seen too favorable. Alright, out with it right? I, on the side, sleep with a married guy, that has a child as well. Wife and he play together with guys from time to time, but that's the whole, "I'm straight, having fun with you and the guy" thing -- she has NO clue how it goes down on this side of the field. I keep having this nightmare, that I'm going to end up with Joey Greco from Cheaters at my front door someday, or in a supermarket parking lot with a crowd around. Crazy, I know, but the heat I've taken from people has been, "How horrible, he has a child, you should stop it" -- so wait a minute, because HE CHOOSES to, I'm not forcing him, I should be the bad guy? He's going to move on to the next guy as it is. Not to mention, we're safe, and it's calmed me down from sleeping around as well, I've pretty much stuck to him for a while. I mean, let's face it, there's not a BF in the works for me. Too many self-conscious issues, and he totally takes that all away from me, and I never once think about how awful I look in front of him. I know, right? Mr. Positive over here is suddenly talking bad about himself? I have a really bad self image of myself, and cannot understand how anyone hits on me, let alone sleeps with me. It's a piece of the damaged goods that I'm working on through my count"up" (down) that people have been noticing lately. I've felt very proud because I've inspired two people to start one. I'm so happy for them and know it will help them.
3. A "best" friend (and I say that loosely right now) is trying to come back into the picture, and I haven't put the EX title on there quite yet, because it could possibly be salvaged. There's a lot of stubbornness on that end, and pride, and on this end, it's a change in who I am, where I want to go, and how I know that I can not continue to back down and just "apologize" without concessions from the other side anymore. I'm not just referring to this person, I'm talking about everyone. I have realized, and this situation has helped me, that I cannot just be like, "I'm Sorry" or "Sure, walk all over me". I've done that with guys, friends, and co workers. Doing that is fine, but not EVERY time. You eventually become that "nice guy" that everyone just walks over with a bulldozer. It really shoots your ego right on down to zero. It's good to remain somewhere in the middle, where you give and take, to keep your ego up, but not over inflated. Where will things go with this friend? I'm not sure, I've really been thinking it through and evaluating it. I just think that it's evolving into a different kind of friendship, not the same as before. We'll see, time (though short) will tell...
What do I expect in the coming time before the next post? Maybe I'll be here, maybe I won't...but until then, you can best believe I will be living it up like no one's watching. :) Ciao
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