I Admit I'm Not Perfect...

This post finds me in a really interesting situation right now in life. I am extremely stressed out, but really don't show it to anyone, or at least, try to "manage" it. Now, right off the bat, let me get this clear, I'm not sitting here posting a blog with the intention of biotching the entire time about "how much my life sucks...how awful things are..." I'm sure you've got a million other Facebook friends that you could easily check one of their depressing statuses right now. You know what, go ahead, open a new tab right now and see if one of the first five people on your feed has some extremely depressing status that you just want to comment on saying, "Really? ... people are starving in Africa, and you're upset because you didn't get what you wanted for your birthday?"

Next question, so what then ARE you planning on doing during this blog. Well here, let me lay this shizz out for you. What is it that you are doing sitting there, just reading away at the blog, and thinking...Ok, so this isn't a two way dialog, I get it, but you did stop and think for a second I'm sure of it. Things have been pretty hectic lately for me, and I can't help but feel overworked, and not even from work, but from the outside world.

"I need help with this, can't you do that, when can you get that for me..." on a daily basis I hear those phrases, or more than just those three. Now, I love people, don't get me wrong, but why is it that I wonder when I hear a text message, or hear my ringtone...what IS it that this person wants me to help them with?

Are you the kind of person that asks a lot of favors, or are you in my boat? Again, another point where you can stop and think about this, it's ok to pause and continue reading at any point you're confused. That's the crazy part about people too, they want you to be METICULOUS with what you do for them, but then half ass something they do for you, if they even do it. ("I'm too busy, I'll get to that") Once again, I'm sure you've heard it all just like I have.

Keep this in mind, everyone is out for themselves, and it's a dying breed out there of people that think about more than just number one. I'm not saying forget number one, you should always keep that first, but try expanding to being selfless to number 2 or number 3 every once in a while. This world would be a much better place if we could just do that.

This week, a guy on my floor that I used to say hi to and what not at work, in his 30's, died while putting up Christmas Lights over this past weekend. He's married with two young kids that now don't have a father for Christmas, and will probably correlate the two every year. How horrible is that, this is just an awful time of year. (Whether it was a seizure or electrocution is still under investigation) The part that really got me, is that the e-mail came out "FROM" our office lead...but was sent BY an Administrative Assistant. Now really...it's not like EVERY day or week or MONTH or even YEAR that someone dies in our building. Would it kill you to make the rest of us living think that you actually care about our well being, and for the associate that worked under you? The guy who passed, he was a really nice guy, and I saw him on Friday at the Starbucks on our first floor. The thing is, I just can't believe that, how quickly he was there in the building, and then eerily his desk was empty on Monday, kid's pictures still there, and work on his desk untouched. Life is so short, and so precious, we need to keep that in focus, and remember that it can be yanked away in a short weekend.

You have an opportunity to make a change NOW...not tomorrow, not this weekend, not next month (as you get ready to make New Year's Resolutions). It's time...right now, and you're only getting closer to your time when you pass. So grab that opportunity right now, and run with it, even if...seriously...even if, it's a small change. Cut out the sugar, stop being stubborn, say "I'm Sorry", make that move, do it NOW.

You'd think, great point to end on, right? I just scratched the surface. Now I can't stand reading long and boring blogs, so that's why I try to keep mine relatively short. I've also been asked why I don't write more. You have a life, and as I just pointed out, it's short. I respect your time, as I hope you respect yours. If I have some points, I will make sure they're monumental, so I make that promise, I won't bring you to this site, "just because".

Alright - three more short topics that I will lightning round because it's getting long already and these were just WHOA moments for me.



2 - I have taken quite a bit of flack lately for doing a deed that...isn't seen too favorable. Alright, out with it right? I, on the side, sleep with a married guy, that has a child as well. Wife and he play together with guys from time to time, but that's the whole, "I'm straight, having fun with you and the guy" thing -- she has NO clue how it goes down on this side of the field. I keep having this nightmare, that I'm going to end up with Joey Greco from Cheaters at my front door someday, or in a supermarket parking lot with a crowd around. Crazy, I know, but the heat I've taken from people has been, "How horrible, he has a child, you should stop it" -- so wait a minute, because HE CHOOSES to, I'm not forcing him, I should be the bad guy? He's going to move on to the next guy as it is. Not to mention, we're safe, and it's calmed me down from sleeping around as well, I've pretty much stuck to him for a while. I mean, let's face it, there's not a BF in the works for me. Too many self-conscious issues, and he totally takes that all away from me, and I never once think about how awful I look in front of him. I know, right? Mr. Positive over here is suddenly talking bad about himself? I have a really bad self image of myself, and cannot understand how anyone hits on me, let alone sleeps with me. It's a piece of the damaged goods that I'm working on through my count"up" (down) that people have been noticing lately. I've felt very proud because I've inspired two people to start one. I'm so happy for them and know it will help them.

3. A "best" friend (and I say that loosely right now) is trying to come back into the picture, and I haven't put the EX title on there quite yet, because it could possibly be salvaged. There's a lot of stubbornness on that end, and pride, and on this end, it's a change in who I am, where I want to go, and how I know that I can not continue to back down and just "apologize" without concessions from the other side anymore. I'm not just referring to this person, I'm talking about everyone. I have realized, and this situation has helped me, that I cannot just be like, "I'm Sorry" or "Sure, walk all over me". I've done that with guys, friends, and co workers. Doing that is fine, but not EVERY time. You eventually become that "nice guy" that everyone just walks over with a bulldozer. It really shoots your ego right on down to zero. It's good to remain somewhere in the middle, where you give and take, to keep your ego up, but not over inflated. Where will things go with this friend? I'm not sure, I've really been thinking it through and evaluating it. I just think that it's evolving into a different kind of friendship, not the same as before. We'll see, time (though short) will tell...

What do I expect in the coming time before the next post? Maybe I'll be here, maybe I won't...but until then, you can best believe I will be living it up like no one's watching. :) Ciao

I am who I've learned to be...

The following post needs some foreword to ensure that any information put in it is not taken out of context. If you think the post is about you, it's probably not. So please no emails, text, messages on FB etc saying, 'Was that about me?' Or 'Was that about so and so?' My answer will be an infatuate 'No'.

With all the legal disclaimers aside now, I can share my most interesting moments that has occurred lately.

I have spent time on this earth that is pretty much considered 'borrowed' time. Whatever your belief in religion, how we evolved, or if you still believe the stork delivered you, that's not the point. We all will pass on someday, cold, deep down fertilizing the grass where the cows will eat it, and your kids and grandkids will be eating the McDonalds Hamburgers from that cow. Yes, believe it or not, that will eventually happen. It's the circle of life.

WHEN that happens, could be in the middle of this post, tonight, tomorrow starting my car, or 40 years from now. Get the point yet? We don't have control over it, it's coming for us all.

So, what's the big deal right? Death and Taxes.

If no one can tell us when, even a doctor to say you have three months to live...then why won't you make the most of it? Why would you bother to sit around arguing?

We stay in our tunnel of life, thinking about what we're going to do this upcoming weekend. What if you don't have until then?

Make the most of right now, because you may not have but a few more minutes.

Listen to your surroundings, what people say, who is in your life. I had a great quote come to me recently. "Make a list of people in your life, put what value they bring into it. If you have a hard time finding value, then why are you talking to those people still?"

Why is it important to listen to what others say? 'You know he's cheating on you right?'...'Hey watch out for that missing step!'...'I love and care for you like no one else ever will.'

What did YOU just hear of those last three sentences without re-reading them?? Don't look yet! Be honest! ... Little challenging? Then you don't care what I'm writing here. You're just skimming and reading the parts YOU want to hear, understand, or know.

If so, you missed an important part already.

You can't help everyone, and you can't let everyone expect you to help them. The world is not the same, we must realize this. There is no one to take care of you, of us, no one....

If you start living with that mentality, what happens then? Sure you might say, 'I am just being realistic.' Really now? Did you not see those around you that want to help, be there for you, and want you to succeed?

Sure, it's always good to be self sufficient. I've learned that over five years...but why didn't I grasp that over 26 years?

Maturity, something we all handle differently. Life experiences, external obsolescence, DNA, parental and sibling factors, and relationships. When we've got someone we're with whom is, 'someone special' isn't that amazing? Then you realize, wow what an SOB he or she was...or the reverse can happen. (I miss so and so)

Look my point in this section about maturity is...we're all different and can handle certain situations differently with others....BUT we all cannot stand by for such a long period of time before we explode and unload.

Yeah but you didn't tie in maturity there...oh but I did! For myself to even comprehend that everyone is different as how they mature, proves that what I may see as mature, might be immature to another. Our paths in life are never the same. Similar, yes. Same...NO!

We as a collective must realize that and appreciate differences. If you're on the breaking point side though, are you mature to walk away or handle the situation head on? (Apply directly to the forehead) Sorry I digress with humor at times...

And realize, is the other side saying you're being immature by blowing up, by saying what they're saying...

Communication with people is so difficult. A computer has inputs and gives outputs. Even if there is Artificial Intelligence, it was still programmed how to do so.

We are independent thinkers, sometimes too independent. Walk softly, carry a big stick... be who you feel you are and want to be portrayed. We understand, you may know no better than your current situation or circumstances. Unless you listen, open your ears, your mind, your heart, and your soul...

... the short time you do or may have here will truly be wasted if you close yourself off.

Recognize your strengths, understand your weaknesses. You can't do that unless you listen, open yourself to others, learn from those that passed, and from the mistakes around you.

Look at this post, it's free advice! You could walk away going, STUPID POINTLESS!! Or you could be like WOW THAT'S GREAT!!...It's your life, you only get one to live and no one else does...

No one can live it for you, through you, or by you...you need to do it for yourself. But know you're not alone, have others around you all the time and everywhere. So listen, be aware, and define yourself of who you are before you can be with others in any relationship ...albeit friends, lovers, coworkers, etc.

As a closer I pull a quote from my favorite movie...which will put everything I just said in total perspective if you watch the movie and re-read this...

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn...is just to love...and be loved in return
..."

In Memory of D. & R. Kalich (Forever in my heart and thank you for always believing in me)

It's not what it's all about...

If you're like others who wonder why I don't post that often, then I feel you're missing the point of this or any other blog. The intent I wish to continue to maintain focuses on key points, not day to day items.

I could easily babble on about my foot hurting, work, Racquetball, whatever, but what VALUE does that bring to my life and more importantly, yours?

Let's take that key fact and focus on it for a second. When do we stop in life and truly think about things we do, people we associate with, or more simplistic, things we buy. Impulse buys are everywhere at the front of your register in your local grocery store. It all comes down to one thing, convenience.

Now if you open up this grocery store metaphor to everyday life, they say you're supposed to walk the perimeter of the store in order to only buy fresh, processed foods.

If you only walk the perimeter, then you'd possibly miss out on a lot of opportunities, in life as well. Make sure you know the whole picture, all the items in the store, before leaving and making your purchases final.

Unlike a grocery store, there are many items in life you simply can't "return or exchange".

More importantly, you only walked into the store with a set amount of money, so as you're scanning the store for what you want to purchase, make sure you stop and think what VALUE it brings into your life.

If a person brings you harm, why would you keep them in your life? If you're purchasing food, why would you put bread in with bleach?

It baffles me as to why we feel it sometimes so easy to let another person bag our groceries. Does he have your best interests at heart? Does he care if you live, die, or if your groceries make it home in one piece? No, and you should always remember to think of number one as well.

So why then do we allow someone else to bag our groceries. Not just because we paid the store to pay him! We could save money by not having baggers. It all comes down to convenience.

So my last question to you, if you have these conveniences in your life...the necessities you're purchasing...but the bleach gets in the bread without you noticing...you drink it and get sick, what was the VALUE in the first place, and was it ever worth it?

Just next time, think of number one, always be aware, and rethink the VALUE of all of life's conveniences.

A Journey Through Empty Heads

Today we were sharing really funny stories about our drunken party moments, and I of course went to the time when I was at a "Beat the Clock" night where drink prices raised every half hour. It was Christmas time on a Tuesday and had to work in the morning. Drew and Akivia were with me, and I got really drunk where I ended up doing the worm and being ridden like a bull by this girl. I got up off the floor, hand all black with dirt, and tried to high five Drew who said, "Elbow Keith, lets elbow". I had a "Hangover" moment where they lost me until noon the next day. I ended up waking up at 6 am in my ex's parking lot. Went home, passed out until noon and had a TON of calls. Epic night, but was upset that they had lost track of me.

Anyways, I am frustrated and confused because I'm always nice to people, yet I get continually stepped on. It's happening as I type this. We're not talking about a little abuse, but HUGE. If I'm nice enough to help you out, shouldn't you be nice enough to be kind and aware? How about at least putting out dammit! LoL jk, but anyways, I'm a big believer in Karma and hope that my positive influence in others' lives will eventually come back to me.

I guess the main frustration is, where did people and their minds go? Are we all this clueless and stupid in life? Do we not think about what we're going to wear out? How our comments as innocent as they may be affect other people?

Earlier I spoke on my Facebook about a situation where I knew my suspicions might be true. I lent out my place to a friend who needs a place to stay for a while to get back on his feet. He invited someone over while I was at work! I was furious! That's disrespectful and I don't know who he is. That just kills me. That's the quickest way to pissing me off.

Wow and now I'm hearing porn from his phone??? WTF!! I might just burst a blood vessel in my brain over this insanity! The best part, he'll be out before the end of this month, just in time for the madness of Gay Days. I'm thinking of throwing a party that week. Thoughts?

Just the beginning...

So not only have I decided l actually keep a blog, I start it at the most interesting time of my life right now. You might think, yeah, we all got lives, but wouldn't reading someone else's craziness be just an escape from your own issues? In a way, I felt like making a blog of my own would be like escaping from my own life. I'm not kidding you when I say that there is absolute craziness everywhere I turn.

I always said I need to keep a journal or write a book. Here we go, over the next while, I'll tell you all about the times where I just want to have dinner and end up giving the heimlich, is that how you spell, eh whatever, this is the internet.

Moments seem to follow me everywhere I go and I needed an outlet. We don't remember the days, but we remember the moments.

I'm exhausted, out of all days to start a blog, I do it on a day where I felt like I might pass out in the shower. Eh such is life. And now.......good night.